I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
