lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
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