Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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