Kiss
Puke
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize