Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
