You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
