I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Randomize
