Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
