Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
