We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
