my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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