I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
