Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
