Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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