There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
