Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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