She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
It's blow job season.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
