Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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