The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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