its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
