just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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