Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
