trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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