when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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