why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
sex in a hospital.. check
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Randomize
