I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Of course I have a pirate flag
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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