i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
