Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize