I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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