Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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