I hate your face
She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
In America we eat man semen.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
