everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
