DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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