Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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