were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
is wine microwaveable?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
