Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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