i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
