I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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