I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
