i think my tv is drunk
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
