No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
