the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
