i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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