and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
