i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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