her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
