Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
