The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
