Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
