I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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