First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
