Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
