Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
