why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
