She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
