They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
All the doctor said was why
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
