I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
