When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Help me help you realize you are a moron
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