Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
