Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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