Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
