yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
