In the future we'll all be gay
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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