it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
