Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
