its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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