Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
You can't motorboat a personality
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize