This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize