Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
