she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
