i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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