So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
