he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
