i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
