I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
