Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
