I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
