Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
