She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize