Only a mothe r could love this liver
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
