The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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