dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
you made out with another girl for some wings
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
