I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize