Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
