She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize